Saints Row: The Third review

Made 2 Game Saints Row: The Third Review Score: 8/10
Formats: PS3, Xbox 360
Format Reviewed: Xbox 360
Developer: Volition
Publisher: THQ

Conducting a gunfight during a free-fall skydive from 30,000 feet is not possible. Throwing yourself in front of traffic in order to rack up as many dollars as you can while experiencing “the worst pain imaginable” is equally unfeasible. Beating a man dressed in a purple bunny suit to death with a three-foot sex aid is frowned upon in most respectable communities. Yet at some point during its narrative, Saints Row: The Third will call upon you to do all of these things and more – and you won’t bat an eyelid while you do. You won’t be able to, because you’ll be glued to the screen like you’re eight years old and watching Saturday morning TV.

That’s the simple joy of Saints Row: The Third right there: it’s so unashamedly over the top that it’s like a cartoon where nothing is out of bounds, getting hit in the face with a car – let alone a frying pan – doesn’t hurt, and brutal slapstick violence is applauded by the giggling, wide-eyed audience.

Only an idiot need be told not to try this at home - and this isn't even the craziest thing you do in Saints Row: The Third.

Saints Alive
Take the opening scene, for example, where your at-this-point-faceless protagonist is in the process of robbing a bank alongside the ever-faithful Johnny Gat and sexy, sassy Shaundi. Not only is shooting police made chuckle-worthy by mid-gunfight autograph signings, the over-sized Gat masks worn by your group of cussing thieves and comments from the police like “Please first autograph, and then put down, your weapons!” or “Please come quietly, my son wants to meet Shaundi!”, but it also escalates very quickly into the kind of bat-shit mental set-piece we’ve come to expect from the Saints Row series when, instead of blowing the vault open, you winch it away by helicopter while – and this is the cherry on top – hanging off it and fighting a helicopter gunship. And it only gets odder and louder from thereon in.

Set several years after the events of Saints Row 2, The Third sees the Saints elevated to global superstar status having merged with the mega-powerful Ultor Corporation. Now a worldwide phenomenon encompassing clothing brands, superstores and energy drink endorsements, the Saints are at the top of their game with the Stilwater P.D. paid off to turn a blind eye to their criminal shenanigans. But like all good fairytales, it starts to go sour when a villain shows up in the form of The Syndicate, a huge criminal organisation who just happen to own the aforementioned bank. One mid-air gunfight and unexpected heroic sacrifice later, and the Boss (that’s you) and Shaundi find themselves adrift in the Syndicate-controlled city of Steelport, once more trying to establish a respected name for the 3rd Street Saints.

Although not immediately inundated with things to do, completing the initial missions with series favourite and all-round wise-ass Pierce will open up the first batch of random distractions such as providing sniper cover while abseiling down a building, or causing as much destruction as possible from the comfort of your very own tank. Completely optional beyond the initial introductory missions, these side-quests are there purely to earn money and respect, or work out your frustrations. The meat of the narrative is once again the Saints’ rise to power as you face off against the three gangs currently controlling Steelport: the Triad-inspired Deckers, complete with futuristic weapons, Neo-Tokyo stylings and, incongruously, British accents; the Morningstar, led by Syndicate boss Phillipe Loren and a pair of psychotic twin sisters; and the Luchadores, a gang of muscle-bound nutjobs dressed like Mexican wrestlers headed up by psycho-with-issues Eddie Killbane.

It's moments like this that Saints Row shows itself for the undiluted can of full-fat crazy that it is.

Mob Mentality
Helpfully colour-coded in red, green and blue, the three gangs patrol their various territories and provide the majority of Saints Row: The Third’s random encounters, alongside the ever-present long-arm of the law. Thankfully, the police of Steelport have been paid off to a certain extent by the Syndicate and tend to tolerate a surprising amount of mindless violence provided you don’t do it directly in front of them. Also, should you find yourself at war with literally everyone (and you will, frequently), high-tailing it to your nearest safehouse will instantly remove your notoriety. Handy.

The main narrative itself is like the bastard offspring of New Jack City, Mad Magazine and South Park – if you were to take said offspring on a 24-hour caffeine and sugar bender before spinning it around three times and letting it go in a bad neighbourhood. Featuring everything from crushing villains with ten-tonne balls of concrete to infiltrating a BDSM club and trying to exact information by torturing masochistic degenerates, Saints Row: The Third never once takes itself seriously – which is perhaps its greatest strength. You see, Saints Row: The Third is so clever, it’s got everyone thinking it’s stupid.

The freeform approach to tackling the three gangs is very well-executed, allowing you to construct the narrative at your own pace. Small choices like whether to keep an enemy’s penthouse for the cash it brings in or blow it to rubble for the extra respect add a personal touch, and while the script is replete with a grab-bag of curses, oaths and f-bombs, it’s also surprisingly witty and well-acted. Small moments stand out, such as the Boss rapping along to a feel-good tune with Pierce on their way to a job, or background comedy delivered via the sometimes-hilarious news reports and radio shows. The soundtrack is the usual mix of hip-hop, R ‘n’ B, thrash metal and easy listening (depending on which station you tune into), and the ambient sounds of Steelport generate an atmosphere of believability that you might not expect.

 There's no shortage of gunfights - we just wish we could take cover up against all these conveniently placed skips.
 

Playground of Destruction
In fact, Steelport is a great gameworld. Literally filled to the brim with cars and pedestrians, shop fronts, back alleys, hidden collectibles (sex dolls and drug stashes, natch) and the hum of city life, it’s as vibrant a sandbox as any we’ve seen. Random police stops on NPCs, sudden fist-fights, road-rage incidences, the odd occasion when you stumble upon a gang shootout or the fuzz chasing down a rabbit-suited offender – they’re all unscripted and bring the world to life in a way that’s essential to your immersion, especially considering how surreal certain elements can become, thanks in no small part to the “Awesome Button”. Holding down LB will activate “awesome mode”, which allows you to do all sorts of things from simple sprinting to hijacking a moving car feet-first or body-slamming an unwitting pedestrian into the concrete – it’s not an innovation, per se, but it’s a major indication of Volition’s development ethic.

Activities such as Professor Genki’s Super-Ethical Reality Climax (an ultra-violent game show where murder is acceptable but shooting cardboard pandas is a major no-no), or escorting a tiger around the city (in the passenger seat, we must add) while being chased by animal rights activists, or riding around on a flaming quad-bike while dressed in a flame-retardant all-in-one, all add-up to one thing missing from so many modern games: fun. With a heap of customisation options that turn your character into your own private doll to dress and misshape as you please, car-modding that allows you to personalise your own fleet of vehicles, and so much to do you’re never able to get bored, Saints Row: The Third is a genuine playground.

Despite small complaints like inconsistent pedestrian AI and occasional recycled environments, the only real criticism is that, although the combat has been improved to include instant takedowns and tighter gun-play, it feels as though it really needs a cover mechanic – it’s just too easy to find yourself out in the middle of the road, getting shot at from all angles and having no choice but to stand up to shoot over cover. Also, the vehicle-handling is still erratic, with some cars driving like an absolute dream and others rocketing off like drunken gazelles. Oddly, these manage to feel like minor complaints in a game that’s at least 60% shooting and driving, such is the overall quality of the package.

These brutes show up regularly and play a major part in the main narrative. They're approximately 9 times harder to kill than they look.

All Good in the Hood
Saints Row: The Third is not stupid. It’s not even dumb. Sure, it over-sexualises everything to the point of crassness, it jumps the shark at absolutely every possible juncture and will make no sense whatsoever to those who would attempt to apply real-world values to its dildo-swinging, base-jumping, physics-defying world, but at no point is it ever aimless, pointless or dull. Going into Saints Row: The Third looking to find fault will reward you with a smorgasbord of inconsequential nits to pick; likewise, arching your eyebrows and looking down your nose at it for its puerile sense of humour is equally senseless and redundant.

Volition’s threequel is about having fun, about tearing it up, about rising to power by any means necessary and not allowing little things like the law or gravity get in the way. To pull it apart is to miss the point entirely – if you don’t like your games to be OTT, bluntly offensive or knowingly-childish, go and play something else - Saints Row: The Third doesn’t give a shit what you think.

Words by Mick Fraser (Twitter: @Jedi_Beats_Tank)

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